Catching A Leprechaun

Wearing a grass green sweatshirt and trackie bottoms I crept forward through the long grass behind the village church. This was an neglected part of the grounds, the elderly priest had simply forgotten about it and neglect meant a wonderful nature park lay waiting for discovery. I had my jam jar ready for grasshoppers, a large (ish) matchbox with breathing holes punched through it – ready for spiders, and a large butterfly net hanging from my belt loop ready to catch butterflies and moths.  In a small cross-body bag I had my lunch, two jam sandwiches and a banana.

As the morning wore on, I crawled about examining the copious bug life, catching nothing.

   ‘Useless!’ I said out loud, ‘might just as well have my lunch!’  I sat down and pulled a jam sandwich out of my bag and took an enormous bite.

   ‘Hey! Leave some for me!’ 

A small figure appeared from behind a pebble, dressed like me in all green camouflage. He sounded cross.

   ‘Where did you spring from and who said you could have some of my lunch?’ I held tightly to my sandwich.

   ‘This is my land and I own EVERYTHING!’

He walked rapidly up my leg. Pulled himself up over my stomach and chest until he reached my shoulder.

I watched him open-mouthed.

   ‘What are you? Who are you? What are you doing? What is your name?’

I stood up.

The questions tumbled from me without stopping as I studied the expressions on his miniature face.

Suddenly he jumped from my shoulder and fell to the ground.

As he fell he grew and grew until he was the same height as me.

   ‘Ah’ He shook himself as he looked me in the eye. ‘That’s better. Right, in order mate, 1) I am a member of the Right Honourable City Branch of Leprechauns. 2) See 1)X  3) I am patrolling my Estate watching out for destructive human beans! 4) My name is SIR Paddy Golightly bxq mtd spp gmxx and even more letters to show my extensive education.’

I chewed on a straw as I considered the little creature who had now reverted to his original size.

   ‘Would you like a piece of jam sandwich?’

   ‘Ooh yes please,’ his face lit up with an enormous grin. ‘I’ve never tasted a jam sambidge’ he chuckled.

I placed a bite sized piece of my sandwich on the ground and the leprechaun put his fingers in his mouth and whistled, the loudest whistle I had ever heard. Leprechauns appeared from behind every pebble, every bump in the field, every blade of grass. Soon I was surrounded. As they began to swarm over me digging into my cross- body bag, they took my sandwiches and banana passing them to one another until they were all disappearing, grinning and chattering excitedly, with food clutched in their little hairy hands.

Sir Paddy Golightly stood laughing as my food got stolen

I grabbed my butterfly net from my belt loop Whoosh! I swung it at the laughing leprechaun and he was caught!

Oh, he snarled and roared, he bellowed and yelled but the net held and he was in my power. I waited for dark then popped him into my matchbox. He was quiet, fast asleep when we set off for home. He now lives with me, he demands (and gets) sambidges and bananas every day. He won’t leave.

And that, folks, is how to catch a leprechaun.

Aeb 03/22