A Day In The Life Of Father Fitzgerald

Father Fitzgerald was hearing confession

Whisky beside him, a comfortable chair

He dozed and he drank as a whole procession

Of sins of omission, and sinful emissions

And thievings and thumpings and lies filled the air.

He forgave everybody, accepted the “sorry’s”

He absolved and he blessed as the parish confessed.

And he drank, and he drank, and he laughed as he heard

Old Mrs. Johnson confess a swear word.

He was dozing as Michael McGuire walked in

He closed the box door and confessed his big sin

“Now Father Fitzgerald, remember your vow

What I tell you today goes now further now.

I’ve found Mary Ellen, my wife of ten years,

Has been seen with another, confirming my fears.”

Father Fitzgerald took another big drink

From the bottle of whisky, as he started to think.

“I’m sure you’re mistaken now, Mr. McGuire,

Why don’t you go home now, your source was a liar!”

“Too late for that, priest, I’ve sorted it out

I killed her by strangling – she’d owned up, there’s no doubt!”

“You’ve killed Mary Ellen! Oh! Say it’s not true!

You bad – hearted bastard! I’ll not forgive you!”

Father Fitzgerald leapt up on his feet

And stumbled and tumbled out into the street

He ran to McGuire’s house and opened the door –

He had his own key (and he’d used it before!)

“Mary Ellen, Mary Ellen!” He cried out in his pain

As he found her stone dead, on the pink counterpane.

A step on the stairs caused the priest’s pulse to race,

It was McGuire, who mocked him and spat in his face.

“You’re next old man” Mike McGuire raised his voice

Without mirth the priest laughed. “You leave me no choice.”

He pulled his derringer from the folds of his cloth

And he shot McGuire dead, and he showed no remorse.

He left Mike to die on the floor of the room

With no prayers for his soul he was sent to his doom.

Then he wiped the gun clean, pressed it into Mike’s hand

As police charged up the stairs to take lawful command.

Father Fitzgerald wiped a tear from his eye

Made the sign of the cross as he bade them goodbye.

They could see what had happened, no-one else was involved

Tragic murder, then suicide, the case was closed. Solved.

The priest fooled the police, it was too easy to do

And continued his priesthood, without further ado.

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